Marriages take a lot of work. Some people think that since their marriage was easy for years, then it getting tough means it's over. People change over time. Your goals and interests might change, and that can be tough on a marriage, because it's easy to grow apart while you're changing. If you recognize this happening, you have to put forth extra effort to reconnect and keep your marriage strong. Drifting doesn't mean you won't be happy in your marriage again; it just means that you have to try harder. If you aren't sure how to go about reconnecting with your spouse, here are 5 things you can do to drastically improve and reconnect in your marriage.
Set aside time without distractions
When is the last time you talked to your spouse? This isn't about saying "hi" in passing, or telling him or her a few things while you watch TV, but it's about having a conversation with undivided attention.
You probably find yourselves talking while you each play on your phone or check your social media accounts. Those distractions keep a barrier between you two. You need to set aside some during the day to sit and have a conversation without any distractions. During dinner would be a good time. You can sit at the dining room table and have family time. In bed is another option. It's an intimate place to lie down and talk instead of lying in bed with your electronic devices in your hands.
Create a budget together
Arguing over finances is the top predictor for an impending divorce. In a survey with 4,500 couples, most said that arguments about money were more intense and lasted longer than any other arguments in the home.
You need to sit down and create a budget with your spouse. Talk over anything about the budget that may be unclear. Figure out how to pay off debts and set goals to build a savings account. Even a small goal of $10 a month is better than nothing. Come up with solutions to your biggest financial problems so you can move past them.
Share stories from your past
Sometimes the smallest thing can make you feel reconnected to your spouse. Think of an interesting or a funny moment from your past and tell your spouse about it. Take turns sharing and learning more about each other. Sometimes after being married for a while, you run out of things to talk about. You need to realize there are still so many things you don't know about each other. Once you think you've learned it all, dig something up and surprise your spouse, he or she may do the same.
Bond over activities
People bond with others in different ways. Some bond by discussing a good book, while others bond over physical activities. Take turns choosing an activity and do them together. If you two have a lot of time together, try doing it weekly or bi-weekly; if not, even once a month will work. You can go for a hike, spend a weekend camping, or read the same book and discuss it the following weekend.
Make love at least three times a week
Life can often get in the way and make being intimate the last priority. If you have small kids, you're probably ready to fall asleep without being touched by the time they go to bed. The problem is, the longer you go without being intimate, the harder it is to begin again.
Sex with your spouse gives you a connection that nothing else can, and it's important to keep that connection alive. If the connection is already severed, make an extra effort to be intimate as soon as possible. If you're having sex regularly, but it feels routine, find a way to spice it up. Pick new locations, new positions, buy new lingerie, or purchase a sexy board game.
Sometimes the most simple thing will help you reconnect with your spouse. You need to figure out what will work for you and your marriage. It's important to make time for each other, and focus on both your emotional and physical connection to each other. You can also talk about these things during couples counseling if you think it would help open up communication more.
